French Intellectuals to be deployed in Middle East to Convince
Fundamentalists of the Non-Existence of God - Doubt, Despair and
Existential Anomie: Our Only Hope.
The United Nations revealed plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French
existentialist philosophers into strategic trouble zones to destroy the
morale of zealots by proving the non-existence of God.
Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre Brigade of 'Black Berets' will
be parachuted into Afghanistan, Lebanon, Iraq and other combat zones to
spread doubt, despondency and existential anomie among the enemy.
Hardened by numerous intellectual battles fought during their long
occupation of Paris' Left Bank, their first action will be to establish
a number of sidewalk cafes at strategic points near the front lines.
There they will drink coffee and talk animatedly about the absurd nature
of life and man's lonely isolation in the universe. They will be
accompanied by a number of heartbreakingly beautiful girlfriends who
will further spread dismay by sticking the! ir tongues in the
philosopher's ears every five minutes and looking remote and
unattainable to everyone else.
Their leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Belmondo, spoke yesterday of his
confidence in the success of their mission. Sorbonne graduate Belmondo,
an intense and unshaven young man in a black pullover, said, "The
Zealots are caught in a logical fallacy of the most ridiculous kind.
There is no God and I can prove it. Take your tongue out of my ear,
Juliet, I am talking."
Marc-Ange plans to deliver a thesis on the futility of existence with
special reference to the work of Foucault and the films of Alfred
Hitchcock.
However, humanitarian agencies have condemned the operation as
inhumane,pointing out that the effects of passive smoking from the
Frenchmen's Gitanes could wreak a terrible toll on civilians in the
area.
Lili
Accueil 
